Parade

This is what I see everyday outside the window of my home office. Yes, those are geese that you see. There is a pond about 50 yards from our new home where the geese live. According to our builder, the last count was 65 (!) geese.

1/2 of the neighbors are like me - dying to get rid of these geese because 1) they crap like crazy - all over the yard, sidewalks, driveways and street. Ugh, whenever you walk outside, you have to watch every step.
2) one bird eats about 3lbs. of grass per day! The grass in our neighborhood looks like crap (literally!)
3) it's expensive to keep the sidewalks/driveways/streets clean - they come by 3 x's a week to scrape and about once a month, they use the fire-hose to rinse everything. The city charges $500 per each use of the fire hydrant. Can you believe that?!
4) The momma birds hiss at you whenever you're even 15 feet away from them.
5) When they're crossing the street, they refuse to move for anyone - not even angry honking drivers. And they always travel in packs, waddling in single file...like some kind of military processional.

The other 1/2 of the neighbors love the geese (wtf?!) and don't want the builder/hoa to do anything to hurt the geese. You mean, I can't just run them over with my new SUV? Muahahaha. So the Director of Construction for our builder has been doing research on how to resolve the neigborhood geese problem. Apparently you can have the geese "relocated" but you can only do that during the month of June as ruled by the State of Ohio. So option #2 is to leave 2 dead geese at the pond so it "grosses" out the rest of the birds and they eventually leave to find a new home. Option #3 is to spray this ultra-violent chemical thing on the grass so it makes the grass an ultra-violent color when the geese see it. It aso gives the grass a very bitter taste. Apparently this is a super-expensive option so it's the last option. I guess there's always my option - muahahahaha - rat poison accidently sprinkled on the grass - muahahahaha. --MM